Thursday, January 27, 2011

State of the Union

Like many Americans I listened to the State of the Union address with great interest.  The State of the Union address given by the President is a constitutional requirement.  Before FDR, presidents usually just sent a written document to the Congress and it was read into the record.  Mainly because of advances in communication technology the President now delivers the speech in person.  However, a written copy of the speech is sent to just about everyone imaginable prior to the speech.  All the news outlets, every member of Congress, and every talking head gets an advance copy.  When I am King, this won't happen.  I am not going to give every talking head a chance to pick apart my speech before it's given.  I am not going to give every member of Congress a chance to map out when they will applaud and when they won't.  I am going to make them do something they're not accustomed to doing - LISTENING!!!  If you want to take shots at me later, you'll have to listen and take notes instead of having some staffer do it for you. We have plenty of talking going on in Washington, but not nearly enough listening.  This could be a good first start.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

@#%##@** Packers Win.

The Bears lose to the Packers. The would be King is officially in hibernation.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Bear Game

I have to confess that I am obsessed.  This week I've done very little without thinking about the Chicago Bears.  Not only are they one win away from the Super Bowl, but they have to play their arch rival the Green Bay Packers.  To tell the truth, I don't even care if the Bears win the Super Bowl as long as they beat those Packers.  Being a Bear fan all my life, I know what it's like to get your ass kicked by the Pack.  It's time for the Bears to be the ass kicker once more.  If the Bears lose, you might not hear from me for a while - I'll be in hibernation.  GO BEARS!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, January 14, 2011

Golf Rule Change

Most of the rules of golf are fair and make good sense.  But a few rules are simply unfair.  Therefore, I plan on re-writing the rule book.  My first rule change deals with hitting your ball into a fairway divot.  Currently you have to play it where it lies. Keep in mine that you just hit the ball down this narrow fairway and now you're penalized.  Meanwhile your fellow competitor knocked the ball deep into the ruff, and has to stand on a cart path to hit his ball.  Guess what, he gets a drop while you have to hit your ball out of a divot.  When I am King, you'll get a free drop also.  Since we pour sand into the divots to help the grass grow back, I am declaring all fairway divots as ground under repair. Those guys who drive it into a divot in the ruff, too bad. Learn to hit it straighter and you'll be rewarded.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Golf Rules

Golf rules are hard to understand.  Most golfers have never seen the inside of a rule book.  Basically they just hit the ball, find it and hit it again.  That works pretty well until you run into some tricky situation, such as your ball is resting on a sprinkler head.  What do you do next.  Well, you hope someone in your group knows the rules better than you.  You ask for help.

On the PGA Tour, they usually have a rules official you can ask.  Pro golfers are really scared of making a mistake because it could cost them tons of money.  Many times they consult an official even when they know what to do.  Better safe than sorry.

To make things worse, any fan watching television can call and point out a rule violation -- usually hours after the golfer has signed his scorecard.  This happened to Camilo Villegas at Hyundai Tournament of Champions in Hawaii.  I'll spare you the details, but he unknowingly violated Rule 23 (look it up, it will be good for you).  A fan called in after Villegas'  round pointing out his rule violation and Camilo was disqualified.

Try calling the NBA to point out a foul that was missed.  Or better yet, call the NFL to complain about a missed holding call.  They would laugh at you -- as they should.  When I am King, I will order the PGA to turn off their phones during all tournaments.  If people want to bitch about a ruling, start a blog.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Church Tax

The Senate just concluded its investigation of some of the largest televangelists and of course it was unable to act.  What it found was preachers living high off the hog.  Using church owned airplanes for travel, living in luxury homes and thriving off church owned credit cards --- paying taxes on nothing.  To make sure they continue their life style they have watchful oversight boards that are packed with relatives and friends.

When I am King, there won't be a need for a Senate investigations, because I'll tax all churches and religious groups as small businesses.  There's no reason to support religion with tax breaks.  Further more, I'll eliminate all individual religious tax deductions.  You want to give money to your favorite church, no problem.  Just don't expect a tax deduction. 

Saturday, January 1, 2011

New Year's Resolution

I never make New Year resolutions any more because I rarely keep them longer than a few days. But, if I could make one resolution for everyone to give a try, it wold go like this: Never discuss politics or religion with someone who doesn't already agree with you.  

I am amazed how people will share their unsolicited political or religious views with me as if they were the gospel truth and surely I am in agreement.  Now if the person with loose lips is a friend, I am really wasting my time getting involved in a discussions.  Eventually I'll have one less friend.  If the person is a stranger, I am still wasting my time, but I might feel better when I tell the person to go fuck himself.  My dad gave me this advise over 50 years ago and I wish I had paid better attention.  He would say that arguing politics or religion is like mud wrestling with a pig.  All you do is get dirty and the pig really likes it. 

Just think what could be accomplished if people were able to work together while totally ignorant of their colleges' political or religious views.  When I am King, I promise I'll follow this resolution -- well, for a few weeks until I can't resist telling some dumb ass to buzz off.